Rob Oxford: Are You Seriously Going to Eat That?

Bacon drizzled in chocolate sauce

By Rob Oxford

As far as I'm concerned a bologna sandwich isn’t a bologna sandwich unless it has Lays potato chips on it. Not next to it on the plate, but between the bologna and bread. And there’s no substituting the chips, they have to be Lays. I guess in a pinch, Ruffles will suffice?

As an adult, that had been the extent of my adventurousness when it came to unique flavor combinations. Up and until I was introduced to peanut butter on a hamburger.

Weird food pairings are nothing new. In fact, a simple Google search will reveal dozens of “Top 50 Lists”. Special thanks to Buzzfeed contributor Hannah Dobrogosz for sacrificing her own taste buds for this article.

Her research revealed pairings such as mustard on watermelon. Tater tots dipped in applesauce. Flaming Hot Cheetos and vanilla bean ice cream. Caramel syrup on cheddar cheese curds and bacon drizzled with chocolate syrup? I mean, who thinks of this stuff?

From what I know now, college students at 3am. That’s who!

pickle margarita

The other evening, my girlfriend approached me with a piece of bologna, wrapped around a pickle smeared with peanut butter. My immediate response was, “you’re not seriously going to eat that are you?” I had failed to notice that half of it was already gone. I guess pickles are the go-to for weird flavor combos.

For instance, pickles have long been recognized as a favorite for pregnant women. Some enjoy them straight out of the jar, while others may crave pickle pizza, pickles and cream cheese or pickle cheesecake. I still remember when deep-fried pickles sounded like a nutty idea. Now they're available at every state fair in America.

The intense, salty and sour taste of a pickle helps manage nausea and can satisfy cravings caused by hormonal changes. Also, pregnant women experience an increase in blood volume, which raises the need for sodium and electrolytes. Because of the brining process, the high salt content in pickles helps maintain this balance.

Not recommended during pregnancy, but a company called Beatbox now offers a Pickle Margarita.

Rob's Dad in the mess hall

My Father, a Mess Sgt. at Madigan Army Hospital, would prepare meals for upwards of 600 – 700 soldiers each day. At three meals a day that equates to roughly 1800 – 2100 meals…per day. Large quantities of food. For his 3 children at home, this meant larger than normal portions and growing up during the depression as he did, food did not go to waste.

We became accustomed to having the same meal, only slightly different, for several nights in a row. This could occasionally result in a “weird food pairing”. Quite often it would be chipped beef on toast that my father would affectionately call S.O.S. or “stuff” on a shingle. The next night it might be the same “stuff”, but with leftover peas added. Blech! Not my favorite.

Neither was his famous salad consisting of a pear half on a leaf of lettuce with a dab of cottage cheese or mayonnaise in the middle. A popular southern dish from the 50’s and 60’s. To me, yet another weird food pairing. I’m sorry, but cottage cheese always reminded me of something in the fridge that had gone bad.

Finally, another food pairing established in England during the 17th century and brought to North America is cheese slices on apple pie. To residents of the state of Vermont, not so weird after all. In fact, the tradition is so strong that a House Bill was signed in May of 1999, declaring apple as the state pie and stipulating that a “good faith” effort be made to serve it with a slice of sharp cheddar cheese, a glass of cold milk and a large scoop of vanilla ice cream.

I’m good with the pie, ice cream and especially the cold milk. But please, give my slice of cheese to the mice.

If you have a favorite “weird food pairing” you’d like to share, please feel free to comment.

Who am I to judge?