Jeff Foxworthy on living in Washington

Tuesday, December 27, 2022

Jeff Foxworthy
Versions of this circulate on social media, credited to comedian Jeff Foxworthy. He might actually have written them.

Note: I drove down Ballinger Way in LFP when there was 4 inches of snow on the ground and the temperatures were in the 20s. I passed a guy walking along the road who was wearing bermuda shorts - and flip-flops. 

Jeff Foxworthy on living in Washington
  1. If someone in a Lowes/Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there live in Washington.
  2. If you've worn shorts, flip-flops and a warm-jacket at the same time, you live in Washington.
  3. If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you live in Washington.
  4. If you measure distance in hours, you live in Washington.
  5. If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Washington.
  6. If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' and back again in the same day, you live in Washington.
  7. If you can drive through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Eastern Washington.
  8. If you get your kid's Halloween costumes to fit over 2 layers of clothes or under a raincoat, you live in Washington.
  9. If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with leaves, mud or ice, you live in Washington.
  10. If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you live in Washington.
  11. If you feel guilty throwing bottles, cans or paper in the trash, you live in Washington.
  12. If you know more than 10 ways to order coffee, you live in Washington.
  13. If you know more people who own boats than have air conditioning, you live in Washington.
  14. If you stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal, you live in Washington.
  15. If you consider that if it has no snow on it (or has not recently erupted), that it is not a ‘real’ mountain, then you live in Washington.
  16. If you can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Tullys, you live in Washington.
  17. If you know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon, you live in Washington.
  18. If you know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Snoqualamie, Wenatchee , Spokane , Umpqua, Yakima and Willamette, you live in Washington.
  19. If you consider swimming an indoor sport, you live in Washington.
  20. If you can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese and Thai food, you live in Washington.
  21. If you never go camping without a tarp and waterproof matches on you, you live in Washington.
  22. If you have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain, you live in Washington.
  23. If you think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists, you definitely live in Washington.
  24. If you buy new sunglasses every single year because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time, then you live in Washington.
  25. If you actually understand these jokes ...and forward them to all your Washington friends, you live or have lived in Washington


Anonymous,  December 27, 2022 at 6:57 AM  

All true! I live in Washington.

Anonymous,  December 27, 2022 at 7:03 AM  

Jeff, are you a closet Washingtonian?

Anonymous,  December 27, 2022 at 7:07 AM  

Mr Foxworthy hit it right on the nail. Yep, I live in Washington.

Anonymous,  December 27, 2022 at 7:57 AM  

If you feel it necessary to sacrifice a goat on the rare days that that bright orb in the sky appears and you feel the rain Gods are angry with us you might be from Washington state.

Anonymous,  December 27, 2022 at 8:32 AM  

From Ron White. living in WA is like having a girlfriend thats a 10 and she's always sick.

Anonymous,  December 27, 2022 at 8:53 AM  

Born and raised in Seattle, lived in WA my whole life. Still can't pronounce Umpqua.

Anonymous,  December 27, 2022 at 8:57 AM  

I've lived in NW, SW, NE Washington. All of the above statements are true .

Anonymous,  December 27, 2022 at 8:57 AM  

Let the truth be known!

Anonymous,  December 27, 2022 at 9:02 AM  

so true. could not have said it better! to funny

Anonymous,  December 27, 2022 at 9:18 AM  

I love Jeff foxworthy I love those jokes and yes I live in Washington

Cheryl,  December 27, 2022 at 9:38 AM  

I love this and Jeff Foxworthy. I have lived in Washington all my life and find these Hilarious!!!

Anonymous,  December 27, 2022 at 10:16 AM  

Thanks you for knowing us Washingtonians so well Jeff

Anonymous,  December 27, 2022 at 1:11 PM  

U got most of em right for sure as a current resident in Washington state and all my life this was funny shit right here!

Anonymous,  December 27, 2022 at 8:16 PM  

I can relate. I live in Washington!

Anonymous,  December 27, 2022 at 9:31 PM  

Lol - - Some of them definitely Washington exclusive - - some I've seen lists for other states.

Anonymous,  December 28, 2022 at 8:59 AM  

I hate the gray skies and heat mist! This is why I live in AZ. Almost everyday I can see beautiful blue sky. There is a time every year for rain, but not like Seattle!

Anonymous,  December 28, 2022 at 9:38 PM  

Very true…lived in Eastern Washington all my life and wouldn’t move anywhere else

Anonymous,  December 30, 2022 at 10:35 AM  

Well this was a poor attempt @ being funny, no wonder you remain anonymous. ROFL
#SignedAnonymous. LMAO

Anonymous,  December 31, 2022 at 1:09 PM  

If you have ever spent four hours looking for a Christmas tree in a state forest you live in Washington

Anonymous,  December 31, 2022 at 9:12 PM  

Absolutely straight up truth. And I love Washington and I miss living there anymore. Born and raised Washingtonian!!!

Anonymous,  January 3, 2023 at 5:58 PM  

Jeff Foxworthy is the best of the best, not only did he get every joke absolutely correct, he is one of a very few who have made his career in clean jokes. By the way I've lived in Washinton all my life, 69 years and going strong. Thanks Jeff for your great humor.

Anonymous,  January 6, 2023 at 10:41 PM  

You did pretty good there Jeff. But I think you left out a big topic for Washington, Bigfoot a.k.a Sasquatch. Lol. Maybe on your next go around. Thanks for your entertainment.

Anonymous,  January 12, 2023 at 5:41 PM  

If your china cabinet has Tupperware in it, you are living in Washington.

Anonymous,  May 14, 2024 at 11:48 PM  

Number 15 could not be more true.

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