A special Mother's Day

Sunday, May 12, 2019

From My Heart to Yours

Conceived in love 
Though not by plan 
The heart of a woman 
The heart of a man 

Empty arms 
Hearts torn in two 
Selfless love 
Took me from you 

Missing piece 
Of a mother’s heart 
Daughter’s secret treasure 
Through all the years apart 

Prayers and yearning 
Loved ones found 
Two hearts restored 
Love knows no bound 

~Baby Girl Parsons March 24, 2019

50 plus years ago, Baby Girl Parsons was born and adopted. Her Birth father was only identified as 'Bob' while his mother was 'Mrs. N'. The Birth Mom was fully named.

WARM  (Washington Adoption Reunion Movement) was called in to help.

Even with extensive documentation from the adoption agency, a few WARM Confidential Intermediaries (CI) were baffled as to why we could find Birth Mom's parents, siblings, and extended family but the Mom was seemingly nowhere to be found. Baby Girl Parsons' search/reunion took years of great patience and tenacity.​

Search is a journey. It takes as long as it takes.

​WARM's second lengthy search was to find Mrs. N's surname. We assumed that Bob was 'Robert'. Under closer scrutiny, while looking for ‘Bob’ we found the adoption agency had three different dates of birth for the birth father.

Only common sense was needed to weed out the erroneous two. Then, using public records through a year-plus of painstaking research, a possible surname was found, and a 'Robert'. Now, we needed a process to totally confirm our findings.

WARM approached the adoptee to have DNA testing.​ Her DNA test took place at a time before WARM had a DNA specialist (who now has miraculously found birth parents when no one has any names).

Months passed after the DNA test. Eventually, a distant DNA paternal relative contacted the adoptee. With the adoptee's permission, WARM assumed communication with a distant cousin in Sweden who assisted WARM in connecting her family members to Mrs. N and the birth father.

The search is now picking up speed and we need to stay focused as we sense reunion is fast approaching. The clues are arriving quickly, like the leaves that pop up on Ancestry.

Fleshing out the tree details uncovered that the Birth Father died in his 40s. The adoptee and WARM had their hopes dashed to obtain a reunion with 'Bob'. WARM becomes so enmeshed with a client's family, we also experience the joys and sorrows. Despite that disappointment, Baby Parsons has now reunited with a paternal half-sibling and extended family.

Simultaneously, while contacting one of the Birth Father’s adult sons to seek consent to reunion, we decided to contact one of the Birth Mom’s siblings as a last ditch effort to find Mom. This is not the usual process because WARM prefers to contact the Birth Mom directly to maintain her privacy. In this case, we knew the siblings were aware of the long-ago pregnancy but sibling contact is still not our first choice.

‘Mum’ was found! Mum didn’t disappear, she moved to Canada decades ago.

Mum and Baby Girl Parsons have met and for Mother’s Day the adoptee will bring her son north to meet grandma.

Baby Girl Parsons, Mum, and WARM wish you a wonderful Mother’s Day.

PS: there is more to the story!

Another cousin has contacted our reunited client due to the DNA testing. This new cousin is also an adoptee. At this point, our new DNA specialist enters the search.

Baby Girl Parsons and the new cousin share the same paternal grandparents and we have two possible birth fathers, one of which is more likely. WARM’s client will speak with her Mum to possibly find confirmation. Mum is not well but we have hope she will remember some rumors and clues.


Here is some good advice from our DNA specialist, John, who worked to determine how this new cousin, H, is related to Baby Girl Parsons.

H’s case is an example of why people seeking to be reunited with their birth parents should be DNA tested. She had so many strong DNA matches, it was as though her birth parents were meant to be discovered. After reviewing the DNA matches and comparing those matches with her first cousin, it took only a few hours to accurately identify all of H's grandparents, both maternal and paternal. Most of the reunion cases that I encounter do not have the same abundance of DNA matching information that was found in this case.

Although the various DNA testing companies provide very thorough educational information and articles regarding the interpretation of DNA results, the analysis of DNA matches is not something that can be learned overnight or in one weekend. There are many ways that DNA matching results can easily be misinterpreted, even by people who are highly experienced.

In general, I would strongly advise anyone seeking reunion with their birth family to seek help from professionals like WARM. I have found that the WARM CI's are very professional, thorough, meticulous, and discrete, with very high focus on the protection of their client's privacy.

WARM thinks John is a gift and we appreciate his tenacity and assistance in solving some easy (for him) and some very difficult searches.

Pam Queen, Intermediary for WARM –Washington Adoption Reunion Movement


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