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Tuesday, December 27, 2022

Jeff Foxworthy on living in Washington

Jeff Foxworthy
Versions of this circulate on social media, credited to comedian Jeff Foxworthy. He might actually have written them.

Note: I drove down Ballinger Way in LFP when there was 4 inches of snow on the ground and the temperatures were in the 20s. I passed a guy walking along the road who was wearing bermuda shorts - and flip-flops. 

Jeff Foxworthy on living in Washington
  1. If someone in a Lowes/Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there ...you live in Washington.
  2. If you've worn shorts, flip-flops and a warm-jacket at the same time, you live in Washington.
  3. If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you live in Washington.
  4. If you measure distance in hours, you live in Washington.
  5. If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Washington.
  6. If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' and back again in the same day, you live in Washington.
  7. If you can drive through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Eastern Washington.
  8. If you get your kid's Halloween costumes to fit over 2 layers of clothes or under a raincoat, you live in Washington.
  9. If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with leaves, mud or ice, you live in Washington.
  10. If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you live in Washington.
  11. If you feel guilty throwing bottles, cans or paper in the trash, you live in Washington.
  12. If you know more than 10 ways to order coffee, you live in Washington.
  13. If you know more people who own boats than have air conditioning, you live in Washington.
  14. If you stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal, you live in Washington.
  15. If you consider that if it has no snow on it (or has not recently erupted), that it is not a ‘real’ mountain, then you live in Washington.
  16. If you can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Tullys, you live in Washington.
  17. If you know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon, you live in Washington.
  18. If you know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Snoqualamie, Wenatchee , Spokane , Umpqua, Yakima and Willamette, you live in Washington.
  19. If you consider swimming an indoor sport, you live in Washington.
  20. If you can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese and Thai food, you live in Washington.
  21. If you never go camping without a tarp and waterproof matches on you, you live in Washington.
  22. If you have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain, you live in Washington.
  23. If you think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists, you definitely live in Washington.
  24. If you buy new sunglasses every single year because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time, then you live in Washington.
  25. If you actually understand these jokes ...and forward them to all your Washington friends, you live or have lived in Washington


31 comments:

  1. All true! I live in Washington.

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  2. Jeff, are you a closet Washingtonian?

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  3. Mr Foxworthy hit it right on the nail. Yep, I live in Washington.

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  4. If you feel it necessary to sacrifice a goat on the rare days that that bright orb in the sky appears and you feel the rain Gods are angry with us you might be from Washington state.

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    1. Well this was a poor attempt @ being funny, no wonder you remain anonymous. ROFL
      #SignedAnonymous. LMAO

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  5. From Ron White. living in WA is like having a girlfriend thats a 10 and she's always sick.

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  6. Born and raised in Seattle, lived in WA my whole life. Still can't pronounce Umpqua.

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  7. I've lived in NW, SW, NE Washington. All of the above statements are true .

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  8. Let the truth be known!

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  9. so true. could not have said it better! to funny

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  10. I love Jeff foxworthy I love those jokes and yes I live in Washington

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  11. I love this and Jeff Foxworthy. I have lived in Washington all my life and find these Hilarious!!!

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  12. Thanks you for knowing us Washingtonians so well Jeff

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  13. U got most of em right for sure as a current resident in Washington state and all my life this was funny shit right here!

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  14. I can relate. I live in Washington!

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  15. Lol - - Some of them definitely Washington exclusive - - some I've seen lists for other states.

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  16. I hate the gray skies and heat mist! This is why I live in AZ. Almost everyday I can see beautiful blue sky. There is a time every year for rain, but not like Seattle!

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  17. Very true…lived in Eastern Washington all my life and wouldn’t move anywhere else

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  18. If you have ever spent four hours looking for a Christmas tree in a state forest you live in Washington

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  19. Absolutely straight up truth. And I love Washington and I miss living there anymore. Born and raised Washingtonian!!!

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  20. Jeff Foxworthy is the best of the best, not only did he get every joke absolutely correct, he is one of a very few who have made his career in clean jokes. By the way I've lived in Washinton all my life, 69 years and going strong. Thanks Jeff for your great humor.

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  21. You did pretty good there Jeff. But I think you left out a big topic for Washington, Bigfoot a.k.a Sasquatch. Lol. Maybe on your next go around. Thanks for your entertainment.

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  22. If your china cabinet has Tupperware in it, you are living in Washington.

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  23. Number 15 could not be more true.

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